2022 Guide to Canadian Nouns
Note: This piece was written during the first quarter of 2022. A lot of us Canadians watched other countries ease or completely lift COVID 19 restrictions while our own country seemed to clamp down harder. I can’t guarantee this article will age well; it probably won’t, but here it is anyway.
This dictionary guidebook is designed to help Canadians understand and properly use popular 2022 Canadian nouns. Familiarize yourself with these nouns and their meanings in order to confidently interact with friends and family at small government-approved social gatherings, or in the increasingly unlikely event that you get the chance to communicate with the Prime Minister of Canada.
For a French translation, please refer to… actually, we don’t have a French translation, désolé.
2022 Guide to Canadian Nouns
Canadian: A person born in Canada who has received at least two doses of a government-approved Covid-19 vaccine.
Use: “Justin Trudeau said Wednesday Canadians are “angry” with the unvaccinated.”
(See: Science, Charter of Rights and Freedoms, Patriot, Justin Trudeau)
Justin Trudeau: Prime Minister of Canada… also, fully Canadian.
Use: ”Will Canadian Democracy survive Justin Trudeau?”
(See: Canadian, Science, Patriot)
Patriot: A Canadian who has received at least 3 doses of a government-approved Covid-19 vaccine.
Use: O'Toole's plan relies heavily on persuading more Canadians to get vaccinated through a public information campaign that will "appeal to Canadians' patriotism"
(See: Canadian, Justin Trudeau, Science.)
Science: the intellectual and practical activity encompassing the systematic study of the structure and behaviour of the physical and natural world through observation and experiment… also a word used by politicians to end an intellectual and practical activity known as debate.
Use: “Just a short time ago, we had an election in this country where we asked Canadians how they wanted to keep fighting this pandemic. Their answer was clear. Canadians chose vaccines. They chose science.” - Justin Trudeau
(See: Canadian, Justin Trudeau, Anti-Vaxxer.)
Anti-vaxxer: a person who opposes the use of vaccines or regulations mandating vaccination… also a person who doesn’t trust the motivation of Big Pharma, Government, and Mainstream Media.
Use: “Trudeau was particular about his language, too. Instead of calling them protesters, he referred to them as “anti-vaxxer mobs.”
(See Anti-vaxxer, Freedom Convoy, Racist, Nazi, Misogynist.)
Misogynist: a person who dislikes, despises, or is strongly prejudiced against women… unless this person is fully vaccinated, in which case they are referred to as a Canadian (Refer to the definition of Canadian, above.)
Use: ”…there are also people who are fiercely against vaccination,” said Trudeau. “They are extremists who don’t believe in science, they’re often misogynists, also often racists.”
(See: Science, Nazi, Racist).
Racist: prejudiced against or antagonistic toward a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized… unless this person is fully vaccinated, in which case they are referred to as Canadian (Refer to definition of Canadian, above.)
Use: “We won’t give in to those who fly racist flags.”
(See: Canadian, Misogynist, Anti-Vaxxer, and Freedom Convoy).
Freedom Convoy: A series of protests and blockades in Canada against COVID-19 vaccine mandates and restrictions…also a fringe minority group with unacceptable views and frozen bank accounts.
Use: “Prime Minister Justin Trudeau says the truck convoy headed to Ottawa to protest is a “fringe minority” who hold “unacceptable views,” opposing the way “most Canadians” feel.”
(See: Insurrectionist, Occupation, Terrorist, Nazi)
Nazi: a member of the National Socialist German Workers' Party…also a person who wittingly attends a large public gathering in Canada in which Nazi symbolism makes a prolonged or brief, approved or disapproved, singular or recurrent appearance.
Use: Justin Trudeau thanks man with a Nazi flag for “sharing his perspective, 2017”
(See: Anti-Vaxxer, Trucker, Charter of Rights and Freedoms)
Charter of rights and freedoms: A document protecting the rights and freedoms of Canadians (Refer to the definition of Canadian, above.)
Use: 6. (1) Every citizen of Canada has the right to enter, remain in and leave Canada.
Example: "By the end of November, if you're 12 or older and want to fly or take the train, you'll have to be fully vaccinated (Canadian)," said Trudeau.”
(See Canadian, Justin Trudeau, Anti-vaxxer, Trucker.)
Trucker: a long-distance truck driver…also a person who annoys Ottawa residents. Nearly 90% of truckers are Canadian. (Refer to the definition of Canadian, above.)
Use: “Almost 90 per cent of truckers in Canada are vaccinated,” Trudeau said.
(See: Freedom Convoy, Occupation, Insurrectionist, Bouncy Castle, Bicycle)
Bicycle: A mobility device used to assist elderly women in walking and assaulting Ottawa police officers on horseback.
Use: “As this was happening a bicycle was thrown at the feet of one of the horses in an attempt to injure it. One person was arrested for intentionally harming a police service animal.”
Example of a bicycle.
(See: Freedom Convoy, Occupation, Terrorist, Bouncy Castle)
Bouncy Castle: A large, inflatable structure shaped like a castle designed for children to enjoy jumping in. Typically used at carnivals, church BBQs, and illegal occupations (See: Occupation, Insurrectionist, and Terrorist).
Terrorist: a person who uses unlawful violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims… also an inconveniently large number of civilians, illegally parked vehicles, hot tubs, and bouncy castles (See: Freedom Convoy, Bouncy Castle, Occupation, and Insurrectionist).
Insurrectionist: a person who takes part in an armed rebellion against the constituted authority (especially in the hope of improving conditions)... also an inconveniently large number of civilians, illegally parked vehicles, hot tubs, and bouncy castles (See: Freedom Convoy, Bouncy Castle, and Occupation).
Occupation: the action, state, or period of occupying or being occupied by military force… also an inconveniently large number of civilians, illegally parked vehicles, hot tubs, and bouncy castles (See: Freedom Convoy, Bouncy Castle, and Insurrectionist).
Thank you for taking the time to familiarize yourself with these popular Canadian nouns. You are now ready to effectively read and interpret the news, statements from politicians, and to communicate with friends and family at small government-approved gatherings.
Cole Bennett is a reporter for Orillia Chatters.