Superheroes peeved; Stay at home orders make “everyone a hero.”
“It used to take a lot of damn work to save lives. Now all you have to do is sit on your ass and watch Queen’s Gambit, and BOOM — savin’ lives. It really is a new world out there”, said Batman in an exclusive interview with Orillia Chatters.
Batman’s comments reflect the sentiment of the larger superhero community, who claim mask-wearing is “culture-appropriation.”
“I’ve been wearing a mask and saving lives since 1962, said Spiderman. I mean, it’s kinda the signature superhero thing: 1. Wear a mask 2. Save lives.
The government adds ‘wash your hands’ and ‘stay home’, and now it’s something everyone does. It’s not right. We’re crossing our fingers that the Union will go to bat for us, because at this rate we’ll all be out of business by the time the lockdown lifts.”
Wonder Woman told us she’s always thought masks were a joke; “a false sense of security for insecure superheroes.”
Data from a 1997 peer-reviewed study suggests that mask-wearing increases most super-heroes sense of invincibility by 27%, especially when worn in black or red.
We interviewed 28-year-old Dustin, who wore his mask to the grocery store last Thursday and used hand sanitiser twice during his visit.
”I’m not a hero,” he said. “I just did what anybody would do in my situation.”
Not everyone shares the same attitude towards the situation. While many Ontarian’s have claimed the CERB payout to help with loss of income, some argue they should be paid as much as firefighters, police officers, and paramedics.
“Saving lives is saving lives,” said 45-year-old Judy. “Whether you’re climbing into a burning building, or staying home in your pajamas and day-drinking, we all deserve the same financial reward for our sacrifice.”
Cole Bennett is a reporter for Orillia Chatters. His opinions are his own, and they aren’t worth very much.